friday

mad-magician1
The eye.  

I was third, as usual, and pumped.  Jack, of course, wasn’t there.  And I tried not to feel guilty about getting the opening spot at his expense.  Would Roger really have put me up in another month?  Was he just throwing me a bone for all of my begging?  It didn’t matter.  The fact was if he didn’t think I was ready he wouldn’t have given me the spot.  

My ten minutes that night went fine.  Three-and-a-half stars, maybe three-and-three-quarters, even.  I was excited for Saturday, and playing to Roger as much as anyone else.  My bits were tight and I was full of energy.  He wanted my A-game, and here was ten pure minutes of it.  And, of course, all of the New York bits were in there:  CETA, DC-10, Make Me a Sandwich, and Plrknib.  Now, I needed to be as tight and strong as possible.  Ethical or not, it was no time to back off of bits that worked.

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allies

CETA1

Plrknib wasn’t the only joke I’d kidnapped from New York.  If I was going to risk doing one, well what the hell – why not a few?  After picking through my notes, I pulled other bits that seemed like they’d fit in my act:  another Mittleman bit about dating, Mark Schiff’s Make me a sandwich, a joke about the DC-10 plane crash, and a one-liner that I used just once to open my act:

I got this job through the CETA program.

The line worked, but honestly, I didn’t really know what CETA was.  I had thought it was like RIF (“Reading Is Fundamental!”) – but getting a stand-up job through RIF didn’t make even slight comedic sense to me.  So, when I discovered CETA was a minority jobs assistance program, I thought – hmm – maybe I shouldn’t be doing this bit in my act.  And that was it for that one.  

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new york

salt_1_large

You can yell at your mom and throw your dad against a tree, but there are certain things y’just can’t say to your grandparents.  “Hey Gramma – pound salt up your ass!”  Y’can’t say that.

 

One time, my father, thinking that my grandmother Alice should’ve minded her business about something, said:  

Oh, just tell her to pound salt up her ass  

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