Sample Six Pistols sketch
Scene: Generic game show music comes up. WINK MARTINDALE addresses the audience. Nearby, are JOHN DAVIDSON, FRANK W. DIXON, and TED NUGENT. They stand near the Amazon River.
WINK: Hi, I’m Wink Martinjerk, and you’ve tuned in to Celebrity Piranha Kicking! This is South America – the Amazon River! Today, we’ve got John Davidson, famous author Frank W. Dixon and Ted Nugent.
FRANK: Gee, chums, hello.
TED: LET’S ROCK!
WINK: Okay! Let’s get started! The point of Celebrity Piranha Kicking is to kick the piranha before they bite your foot off. Whoever makes it to round two, goes to our bonus jackpot round. Okay! Who’s first?!
JOHN: Me…but first a song: I gotta kick fish, I gotta kick fish – !
WINK: Shut up, John! Just go up and kick any piranha you can.
JOHN: I gotta kick – AUUUGH!!
WINK: Okay – John’s out of it. On to Frank –
FRANK: Right, chum! I just kick the little devil?
FRANK: Out of the water?
WINK: Nope! Just kick it anywhere.
FRANK: Okay… AAUUUGH!
TED: MY TURN!
WINK: Well, Frank W. Dixon has lost a leg. On to Ted Nugent!
TED: I ALREADY DID IT!
WINK: What? Oh… Oh, you did! Jeez – no one’s ever done that before –
TED: NOW WHAT?
WINK: On to Round 2! Kick another fish!
TED: HOW’S THAT!?
WINK: Bonus Round! Kick another!
TED: THIS IS GETTING DULL, WINK!
WINK: Right you are! Well, you win, Ted. Ginger, tell Ted what he’s won!
GINGER, the lovely hostess, enters with fabulous prizes.
GINGER: Three saltwater piranha and a Fish-O-Matic!
TED: THAT SUCKS, WINK!
WINK: Tune in tomorrow –
TED: LET’S SEE YOU KICK FISH, WINK!
WINK: What?! No – ! (splash sounds) AAUUGH!
TED: GOOD NIGHT!
Sketch written circa 1979 by me and David Doster.